she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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