how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
