i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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