Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
