well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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