I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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