According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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