I can text with my tongue
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
