One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This beer is not sobering me up at all
this will be a night to untag.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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