She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
