everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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