She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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