I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
