3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
