it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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