Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize