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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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