i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
