She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
