Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
