Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
