apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.