Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.