I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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