The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
