He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
