I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I love having hate sex.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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