We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
