I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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