And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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