I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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