I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
