she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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