i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
