So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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