dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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