Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Acid is not a monday night drug
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
