Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
