So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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