Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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