Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
