I must be too annoying 4 u.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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