I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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