I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
