Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
