How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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