just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize