OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
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Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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