Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
