As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
