it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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