I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
