sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
