i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
did you just send me my own nude
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
