I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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