Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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