Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
