Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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