U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
