Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
