i already hear my dad disowning me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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