wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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