I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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