So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
