I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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