i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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