Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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