Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
