Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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