took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
